Hey, Storytellers!
How it works at Wham! Bam! Thank you! Slam!
We’re thrilled you want to step up and tell us your dirty secrets, your poignant tales, and your fabulous fables. We’re dying to hear the story you’ve always wanted to tell, but haven’t yet because the forum was never right. We’re here and our eyes and ears are wide open.
We’re sitting on the edge of our seats!
We want storytellers who’ve done this before. We want writers who’ve always wanted to be storytellers. We want writers who are scared…but want to do it anyway. We’re here to support you in taking our virtual stage.
You know we’re putting on a show, and we’ll be doing it once a month ‘til the end of time.
Please be advised that the end of time might not be too far into the future the way things are going these days, but a girl can hope for the best. Always. We’re betting on a long run.
Here’s the breakdown:
1 story…must be true. And remember, a little hyperbole never hurt anyone. Exaggeration is your friend. It’s a story with a beginning, middle, and end. It happened to you, not someone else. It’s not an essay, it’s not a poem.
4 minutes (we’re timing you). If you go over time, you’ll keep going and finish your story. You won’t qualify for 1st place…this time!
ZERO dicks (we mean of the male species, female dicks are welcome, as long as you’re not TOO dickish). We have to ramp up our attitudes. Get a little tougher, and then get really annoying. I guess we could call that CUNTISH. That’s what men call us when we act like them. They can dish it out, but they just can’t take it. Weenies. Zero DICKS.
We’ll give you a theme for the Slam, and you’ll write and tell an amazing story, and everyone will cheer and roar and stamp their feet!
The audience is your judge. They will be responsible for deciding who wins.
Because yes, there will be one winner. Yes, yes, you’re all winners, but the storyteller who gets the most votes will leave with $100. Who says writers don’t make the big bucks?
Serious stories are sublime. Funny stories are fantastic. Because, girls, we gotta keep laughing. We’ve cried so much already. Let’s get ANGRY. Let’s get SILLY. Let’s get REAL.
To be a storyteller for Wham! Bam! Thank You! Slam!, you must be a writer on Substack with a publication…we want to promote your work.
When we say you must be a woman to compete, we mean if you identify as a woman, that’s all we need to know. If you’re enby, this is your place to shine. You’re always welcome.
ABSOLUTELY NO AI STORIES EVER. We’re smart and we will sniff you out and report you to the principal and then, you’ll have to stay after school every day for an entire year, without your devices. We’ll give paper and pencil, and you’ll have to write your stories the old-fastioned way. In longhand. We’re not fooling around.
After the show wraps, we’ll publish a post with all of the storyteller’s videos. We’ll send it out to our subscribers on WBTYS and to our personal stacks. You’ll be able to crosspost it, too.
You’ll sign a release giving us the right to share your stories on Substack and out in the greater (but not better) world. We’re planning on uploading to our YouTube channel. But we’ll get back to you on that.
Be outrageous. Be brave. Be scared, but do it anyway. Be your wonderful self. Be honest. We love you and we can’t wait to see you do your thing!
Support this adventure we’re having together by becoming a paid subscriber, if you can. We’re grateful for your commitment to women’s storytelling and we’ve thought long and hard about this. You don’t have to be an annual subscriber, unless you want to come to all the slams, but we do ask that you become a paid subscriber for the month you’ll be performing or buy a ticket.
Think of it as your ante at a poker table. You all put 10 bucks in the pot, and at the end, winner takes all! Ten storytellers x $10 = the $100 prize money one of you will go home with. Good? Good!
We’re offering one-on-one coaching sessions, too, so if you want an infusion of confidence, give us a shout.
OH, WAIT…we did some research, and we went to the best source.
The Moth.
We lovingly repurposed really great guidelines from the Moth. Is that plagiarism or inspiration? We’re opting for calling it a gesture of extreme gratitude. You can see more on The Moth’s site. They say it all so well.
We tweaked some of the most important pointers.
ABOVE ALL, this is a safe and inclusive space where we will not tolerate racism, the phobias (you know what they are) or hate speech of any kind. We REALLY don’t want to vet your material in advance because we trust our storytellers, and we want to be as surprised as the audience the day of the show. If anyone violates this guideline, they’ll be disqualified and immediately muted. Nan has a real affinity for the Zoom “eject from room” button. Please don’t tempt her, she’s got quite the trigger finger. That would be awful for everyone. We doubt it will ever happen, but…
On a related topic, be careful about foreign accents unless you’re a solid impressionist or a multilingual speaker. If you think you can nail a hilarious impersonation of your mother or your great Aunt Paulie (ask Nan about her Great Aunt Paulie), we’re here for it. Eileen and Nan have learned the hard way that making fun of Slamone in a fake French accent will cause her to blow her ciggie smoke in our general direction, while grumbling under her breath about ugly Americans. Not cool. Not cool at all.
Stories that do the best in slams have stakes. Why should we care? There are loads of different ways to get from A-Z, but 4 minutes doesn’t allow for dawdling around to get to the point. Make us give a shit from the get-go. A great opening line matters. The story should also be true and yours to tell...no spinning yarns where you’re not an essential character.
Related to all of the above, be mindful of not exploiting other characters in your story. Their identities/issues should not be plot-points for laughs or dramatic intrigue. This is about YOU.
Please no TEDx talks, lectures, stand-up, sales pitches (we will promote you and your stack!), therapy talk, rants. We just want plain old-fashioned STORIES. Classic yet succinct arcs where you arrive changed at the end and we hang on every word.
Keep in mind that the most exciting content can go poorly if the teller is not personally invested.
We want to see your passion, even if it’s about something small.
At Eileen’s first time at The Moth, she saw an unassuming guy tell a story about finding a “wheat penny” and taking it to be appraised to see if it had value. You might think, “OMG who cares?” but this dude told the story so deftly that the entire crowd was yelling “WHEATIE!” and stomping their feet by the time he wrapped up.
Small details can be HUGE.
If you question whether your story meets the theme requirements or violates anything mentioned above, ask Eileen or Nan to check it out or perhaps simply write something else, especially if a nagging voice in the back of your head is saying, “maybe not?”
We want you to SHINE and we’re available to support and cheer you on.
Want to tell a story? C’mon, you know you do…push the button and tell us you’re in.
Want to see our slate of themes, first? You’re going to want to do it even more.
Nan consider this my shaky-handed YES. 😅I’m equal parts terrified and thrilled, which probably means I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’ve spent the last six months helping my HSP Sanctuary crew tell the truth on the page. I guess it’s my turn to tell one out loud. So yes, I’m in.Just know I’ll be showing up with nerves, soul, and maybe a paper bag to breathe into. 💛
This is the Cuntry club I’ve daydreaming about. Ladies… this is fucking genius!!! I’m so in for the wild ride. 🥳 (grabs crotch + peacocks like a feral bitch waving her ladyballs at the room).