Slamone Talks Death and Taxes

If that orange bastard can sign the money, so can Slamone.

Slamone would be remiss if she remained silent on the Lindy West kerfuffle…so many words and thoughts about her polycule that feminists are shaking their fists about! I’ve been listening to her latest audiobook (I need both hands free to sip scotch and puff and pass judgment). So many people wringing their hands over polygamy. Just let her do as she pleases. Who among us hasn’t had a change of heart to make someone else happy? Just because reading Shrill made you feel like she was your bigger body-positive girl power hero doesn’t mean she has to make the same decisions that you do. At least she’s honest, a rare trait that should be commended.

I’m glad I was too poor to marry, it saved me a lot of explaining as to why I took so many lovers. And in France we understand that sexual dalliances make for good stories!

‘Til death do us part brings me to the first half of this month’s theme: DEATH. You know, as in “In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

This quote is attributed to Benjamin Franklin. I have a hard time remembering all the old American guys in wigs, but they put him on the one hundred dollar bill and he wasn’t even president so that indicates he probably stood out as a proper gentleman. Hamilton only rated the ten spot, but he did get a Broadway show a mere 225 years after he died.

I offer my own quote on death: “It is old age, rather than death, that is to be contrasted with life. Old age is life’s parody, whereas death transforms life into a destiny: in a way it preserves it by giving it the absolute dimension.”

Slamone never feels old. I always feel eternal. Speaking of old age and taxes, how much do you think might be accomplished if some old white billionaires paid taxes? NBD, just throw in a mere pittance of your wealth for affordable housing, clean energy, education, health care…what Jeff Bezos spent on his wedding could provide college scholarships for thousands of students. Or millions of school lunches. And those two cyborgs are already rumored to be squabbling over money. What a waste.

I will also accept churches paying taxes as a strategic upgrade. Didn’t Jesus help the poor or is that particular book out of print now?

Instead of the “buy, borrow, die” strategy to avoid capital gains where the elite invest in appreciating assets and borrow against them to keep themselves in diamond-crusted pickle forks, Slamone proposes they skip to the end and just die. Or as Abigail Thomas suggested at our last slam, let’s bury them up to their necks in the desert and let the ants eat their faces. Quelle soirée!!!

Are you getting back some money from the government this year? Would you like to see it go somewhere positive and life-affirming? Consider investing in a female-owned and operated story collective by either buying a ticket to our April 18th show or becoming a paid subscriber to WBTYS with a monthly or yearly option.

Or maybe you have a tale to tell…if you publish here on Substack and identify as female, or nonbinary, peruse here and drop us a message. And when I say “us,”I don’t mean me. I’m too busy flitting about to do anything to be helpful. I just randomly appear when I deem salty commentary to be appropriate.

A bientôt!!!